Kareoke will never be a sober sport
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
