OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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