I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
