he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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