I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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