Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
