I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
