the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
