I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
