How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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