Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
