One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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