I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
