Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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