Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
