my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
