We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
