I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Boobs are out for the taking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
