Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
