the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize