The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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