i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
