my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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