Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize