just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
