Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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