Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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