Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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