I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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