so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
