My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Never joke about your clitoris.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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