Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
