So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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