...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
