You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
