I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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