i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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