My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
