Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
