can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
