Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
