man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
