You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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