I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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