what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
