whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
