just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
