I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
