cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
