dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
