so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
