I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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