Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
