This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
