I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize