Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
