It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
