Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
