If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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