well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
