Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
