So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
