Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
