i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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