I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
be right there i have to get my cape
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
