I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
