Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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