I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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