i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
